Month: May 2019

Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

1John 4:8

DISCLAIMER: This post is definitely more on the wild, abstract side of things, so try to follow along if you can. Apologies in advance if it is utterly confusing, but admittedly it is somewhat meant to be read in such a way. Please enjoy.

I think it is really easy for me to conceive of the idea of love. It comes in so many forms and performs a vital function in literally every aspect of my life.
I love the fact that I have an opportunity to learn dead languages and study literature of antiquity.
I love people so much sometimes to the point where my heart aches and groans in their sorrows and celebrates in their triumphs and joy.
I love the Lord, but. I just. I can’t tell if I am loving him well.

But,

I am grateful that God is a father who loves his child dearly.
I am grateful that Christ is a lover who passionately yearns for our heart.
I am grateful that the Spirit is a helper and friend who comforts my soul.

Through these manifestations of God’s everlasting love for me, I am given guidance, a smile, and a heart that strives to love the Lord my God with everything I have to offer.

Here are some images that resonated with me and I hope they can encourage you as we all seek to better comprehend and immerse ourselves in the depths of his love.

The Summer Haze

The Father loves in this way:

As the haze of the blazing sun fills the sky seasoned with a pinch of blue and white wisp, the young child knows summer has arrived.
The gentle, warm breeze caresses his cheeks, and the prospects of a lazy summer day become brighter in his eyes.
His eager heart and widening smile gleam against the reflection of his damp face against the sliding glass door of the kitchen.
A crack, a thump, thump, thump, and a slurp follow from behind him and the child turns his head to find an isosceles of red, juicy goodness skirted by a pale green rind in front of his eyes.
His father carefully hands him a piece of the summer melon which he had already eaten two slices and chuckled as the child was overcome with bliss.
As the red fluid drooled from the side of his small mouth, the father wiped away the mess with a cloth, laughter filling the kitchen with every wipe.
The child’s glucose-filled glee continued as the father opened the roaring top compartment of the fridge and pulled out a box of popsicles.

A crinkle, a tear, and a lip-smacking pop followed.
The child’s orange stained lips radiated with joy and delight, nothing able to steal away the goodness of this momen…

A shatter, suspension, splat.

Beads of tears swell at the peripheries.
The mouth quivers and lips pucker.
But before a sound leaves his trembling nostrils,

A crinkle, a tear, and an endearing smile follow.
The father holds another to add now a red streak of color to his sugar painted lips and rustles his hand through the hair of the child.
He whispers, “It’s okay, there are plenty more”.
The child is stunned, overcome with gratitude, then turns its eyes to his new scarlet prize.
But before any lip-smacking pop, or a slurp, or a bite,
The child sets the popsicle on top of an old melon rind and collects the fallen chunks and pools of the orange along with its stick.
In shame and in naive hope that he could somehow put it back together again.
The father accepts the mess into his hands and proceeds to throw it away, saying once again, “Don’t worry dear child, it’s okay.”

The child relieved turns his attention back to his new juicy treat,
as the father delights observing his son.
While behind his back, he pulls out another popsicle in preparation for another fall.

The Tapestries of the Bazaar

Christ our lover loves in this way:

Just as in the densely packed streets of a town’s finest market, where merchants sell their most precious wares, where buyers seek the most valuable products,
a man with a heart to give comes with greater longing.

He wanders and peruses through the bazaar, finding little interest in the riches of the market,
None in the precious oils and fragrances imported from the corners of the world,
none in the well-spun linens, silks, or ropes,
none in the richly fattened cows, pigs, and sheep roaming around the venue,
none even in the jeweled, perfumed, veiled, enticing gazes of young maidens attempting to meet the eyes of the man.

His heart is empty, feeling defeated he relents in his pursuit, turning his face away from the market in hopes of returning home.
But as a gust of wind suddenly fills the empty chambers of an abandoned palace,
a simply dressed woman could not escape the notice of his glance as a gale of longing once again filled his yearning heart.
Her figure flickered into view behind a row of fluttering tapestries, each with a majestic image woven into its fabric.

She then vanished as if a phantom, a mirage, an unattainable wish.
The desire in the man’s heart grew, his yearning swelled, and his posture grew more frantic.

He rushes into the rows of tapestries, casting aside each one with his arms, hoping to reveal the presence of the woman cowering behind,
each extension of his arm was thrust with hope, fleeting anxiety, and determination,
met equally with disappointment, sighs, but an unbreakable will to continue the search.

She materializes back into view, holding back a smile, but with eyes of concern as if she had been caught in some wrongdoing.
The words seemingly escaping her gasping mouth,
I’m flattered but I cannot.

She runs again from his sight behind the cover of tapestries,
fleeing in fear of being brought before his gaze again.
I cannot, I truly, surely, verily I cannot.
Who am I that a man such as he should pursue me?

A tear drops from her cheek and wets the patterned texture of an adjacent tapestry,
a tear shed with regrettable delight, the fickle thought of something foolish, and an ember in her heart left singed.
The clamor and the clanging of the busy bazaar fills the air once again as all resumed as it should be.
The shouts of men bartering, the silly snickering of young men flirting with maidens, the bleeting of sheep, the mooing of cows, the snorting of pigs.
All was well again, as it should be.
The last row of tapestries appeared before the woman’s eyes and she breathed a sigh of relief, extinguishing the last remnants of any desire to be something more than she should be.
Until he appeared again.

You are everything to me.
Before my eyes the fixation of this heart,

The man’s eyes burned with a longing gaze.
His chest was heavy and lacking in breath,
his panting concealed only by his overwhelming sense of relief and joy.

The woman panicked, and she tried to flee again, dodging under the cover of a tapestry depicting a lion resting in the shallow grasses of what she thought to be the savanna.
Escaping beneath a scene of nobles feasting under some golden splendor of the sun and their wealth.
Cutting across the image of a garden kissed by moonlight.
Her own panting concealed only by the fear of being discovered.

A stillness followed.
The sound of an elongated gulp escaped her throat as she squeezed her eyes shut.
A rustle and an unspoken voice then present themselves attached to the embrace of his arms.

Why do you hide from me?
I am more courageous than any lion, blowing aside grasses with the thundering boom of my voice.
I possess a kingdom far surpassing the wealth and prestige of these men, where men feast eternally.
I am more gentle and tender than the caress of the moonlight upon the petals of the delicate lilies.
Do you not desire me as I desire you?

Yes I do.
Your gaze, your voice, your presence weakens my knees that I cannot stand.
But, I cannot. How could I ever b…

Because I love you, as a bridegroom eagerly awaits the arrival of his beloved,
I will chase you through every tapestry and silence all of your fears.
Any image you see with your eyes I will render lesser than I.

Then words,

“I have loved you first.”
“May the passion of my pursuit prove to you the extent of my love,
may my words not be empty, but take my hand and allow me to show you a life you never thought you deserved to live,
May every breathe be heard by my ears, every heartbeat felt by my hand,
may you not fear lest you reject this heart of mine,
I love you above all, so love me as you wish, my heart will ever be affectionately yours.”

She was unsure, hesitant, and still afraid, but the man extended his hand out to her and clasped his teeth, begging her to partake in a love story epitomized by a life of freedom, tender intimacy, and joy beyond belief.

She interwove her fingers between his and smiled as his embrace grew onto her.
This is love.

Counselor of the Lost

The Spirit loves us in this way:

Life

<Choices>
Stress, s t re s s, sTResS!
Where do I go, what do I say, how do I act?
Why don’t you try sitting still and just listen?

NO STOP IT, I can’t, it’s a waste, I just need a plan, I just need to know where to start…
Have you forgotten that it has already begun? Life does not pause itself for you alone.
Aren’t you supposed to be HELPING ME?!?!?!
Ughhh I’m so screwed, I can’t breathe, why is everything so dark? I CAN’T SEE……………………………

Do you need me?
Absolutely not.
I just, I need a break. I need some time away from everything.
NO NO NO WhaAAT am I SAyiNG?
See what did I say, you totally need m…
I need to keep working, if I stop now what was the point? I can’t quit. I can’t stop, I need this so bad. This is all on me.

Are you sure this is what you want?
Yes of course I know what I’m doing, why do you treat me like a child?
Because you’re precious to Him.
I’m too old for that now, I have to prove I was worth it.
No you do not. Sit still and relax.
Okay fine I’ll try it your way, for now, until things go wrong again.
*Repeat 10 times*
You know I don’t really understand what good this is doing me, why can’t I just do as I think is bes….
Shhh.
Okay okay I get it, we’ll do it your way.

Wow things are going well lately. I feel refreshed and able to do anything!
Great let’s get a little more into the flow of things shall we?
Yeah let’s do it! Wow thank you God for giving me the vision and knowledge to be able to comprehend this information. It’s astonishing how amazing you are.
You bet we’re the best. Appreciate it my guy. You look tired though, come and get some rest so you can get back at it tomorrow.
Alright fine sounds good, can’t wait to see how else the Lord blesses me today!
Good for you haha, I’ll have my eyes peeled for you in case you miss a detail or something.
Thanks man I appreciate it.
Shhh, get some rest.

She was so precious to me.
Me too.
How could she be gone so soon, she was so young…
I’m sorry. It might not seem like it but I understand.
But why, WHY, WHY WOULD HE TAKE HER? She did nothing wrong… Why? WHYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!
You can cry, you can mourn, but don’t dwell.
Why DO you ALWAYS try to micromanage me? Get OUT of my head, you are such a nuisance. OUT I SAY OUT!
Because I love you, I know what is best for you even if you are blind.
NO you just want to control me! LEAVE ME ALONE I DON’T NEED YOU.

who am i kidding. i need you so badly, i cant even make simple decisions without you. im so lonely. i never have anyone but you. please dont leave me. im sorry. please please dont leave me, i feel so afraid and lonely without you. i cant even ask for more of you, i havent given you enough yet. you wouldn’t want to do this for me for nothing, i get it. ill pay you back soon i promise. i just need to get myself together first. maybe if i um just…

Shhh, I’m still here buddy, I haven’t ever left. You will always be covered by my presence.

i am unworthy. im actually just the worst, youre better off with someone else. i have to fix myself first.

Why don’t we work on you together?
no please we cant. im too dirty, too broken.
I can heal you, I can comfort you, I can transform you.

I don’t know what that even looks like, but I guess we can try. Please I can’t do it alone though, help me.
I always have been.

So I have been wondering what sort of content I wanted to produce and share on this blog for a bit now and I think that I have come to a conclusion on what I seek to accomplish.
First, this blog is merely a grounds for me to express my thoughts as clearly but creatively as possible. This blog is a space for me to voice my findings as well as to revive my love for word-crafting.
Secondly, I would love to share some of the reflections and thought processes that run through my mind using a variety of literary methods.
DISCLAIMER: I have a tendency to ask myself questions that shake the core of my spirit.
Luckily they have a habit of producing beautifully crafted answers from the Lord that restore, reconfirm, restrengthen, and reestablish me.
With that said, let us begin:

I am covetous, I am possessive, and I am greedy for gain.

Yet, as awful as this sounds, I believe that this is a positive commonality that we all share collectively as members of humanity.
But this should especially be true for those of us who call ourselves followers of Christ.
We are called by God to yearn… to passionately desire… and to crave his presence with all of our hearts.
As John Piper said in a sermon podcast I listened to a year ago, the issue we face as Christians is less the fact that we desire too much, but rather more the fact that the desire of our hearts is lacking.

But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ

Philippians 3:7-8

I earnestly believe that the Word writes that we were created with the faculty to desire richly and the capacity to satiate the void in our hearts with the overwhelmingly sufficient love of Christ.
However, we often fail to desire this much. It is an arduous struggle for us to see past the material possessions of this world, past the recognition we crave, past the relationships we preciously hold.
We accuse ourselves of being too quickly and easily seized by the snare of desiring things when the reality is that we fail to ensnare ourselves in the greatest desire of all, to know and to love our Lord.

College, friendships, family, my lovely girlfriend, my talents and hobbies, my hopes and dreams, my life itself. All wonderful things that God has blessed me with in this lifetime. Still, all of these things are rubbish, trash, chaff blown away in the wind compared to the worth of catching a glimpse of Christ’s beautiful face.

For a day in your courts is better
    than a thousand elsewhere.
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
    than dwell in the tents of wickedness.

Psalm 84:10

On this note I want to share with you some thoughts I had coming out of last Sunday’s sermon on the Holy Spirit, part of our new sermon series that we will be running through during the summer.
The portion that I was particularly focused on was the notion that the FRUIT of the Holy Spirit can be conceived of as a mark of spiritual maturity.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

Galatians 5:22-24

This is fantastic and a great way for us to keep tabs on how we are progressing in our walk with the Lord. Contrarily, for me, this signaled a moment of concern:

Is my walk with the Lord fixated more upon the obtainment of greater spiritual maturity than the enjoyment of the Lord himself?

This is a question that immediately made its impression in my mind and still yet remains resonating in my heart. I realized that I love the grace of God and his blessings, that I love the endowments of the Holy Spirit and his guiding hand. Yet, I realized that I did not love them less than I loved Christ himself, nor less than I loved the Spirit for who he is.

In fact, I was frustrated, aghast, and heartbroken that my desire to grow more spiritual mature had overcome the greater desire to love God with all my heart, all my soul, and all my mind.

But God is faithful and more confident than I that I will find restoration and that the Spirit will lead me once again in my endeavor to walk upon the narrow path with Christ.
I have tremendous hope and joy knowing that he will sweep my tattered feet off my current, dusty ground and lay them down upon the solid ground of his courts once again.

“Blessed be the LORD, for he has wondrously shown his steadfast love to me when I was in a besieged city.”

Psalm 31:21

Blessed be the Lord,
my shield against the countless flames of whistling arrows,
my blade which strikes with lethality,
As our walls crumble and crash we wallow,
we mourn,
we lose heart,
But like the dawn rising over the hilltops,
covering the sky in its golden raiment,
He first glances,
He w h i s p e r s,
He (embraces),
He consoles,
and with trembling might He roars

Our lives liken to city walls surrounded by the voracity of countless enemies. If we compare ourselves to the walls of Jerusalem which were the constant prey of neighboring nations, then we must conclude that we are not too far from the position of the Israelite.
The enemies of the Israel had many names:

• The Moabites
• The Ammonites
• The Philistines
• The Egyptians
• The Arameans

to name a few. We can continue to tell ourselves that we still face enemies with clear names and that we contend for the name of Christ. Yet, they also faced a set of inner enemies as well, things that we encounter more profoundly with every passing day:

• Anxiety
• Fear
• Slavery
• Vanity
• Oppression

Our enemies are many and we are in need of deliverance. But by the grace of God, we can have hope. In the midst of insurmountable odds, Zion stood tall against the timbers, the bronze, and the stones of its assailants. In obedience and under the banner of YHWH, the nation of Israel was able to proclaim the majesty, the glory, and the indomitable power of the Lord.

In the same way, we are not called to simply read the Truth and marvel at power of these repeated miracles alone. YES, let us lift our praises to the Lord, He who guards our hearts when our eyes are blind to the enemies threatening our peace and joy.
However, let us remember that we are called to follow suit, lest we forget and return to our misery and despair. Praise be to the Lord of hosts, He who shakes the ground and thunders in the heavens.

Let us have faith,
Let us admit that our walls are cracking and quaking in fear,
Let us not abandon hope of securing our walls,
Let us not forget the power of the Lord God Almighty to carry us through our battles,
You Lord have gone before us so that we can proclaim victory over
our fear, our AnXieTY, our slavery, our ~~~vanity~~~, and our [oppression].

You ARE love, you are security, you are our Master, you are our !boast!, and you are our f r e e d o m

Lastly, if we all liken to Jerusalem, then let us become a unified city.
As we shudder and open our eyes to find the aftermath of the Lord’s triumph, let us remember that because we are all Jerusalem, we must share this victory and joy with one another.
For there is blessing beyond measure for those who pray for the prosperity and peace of the Lord’s beloved.

“Pray for the peace of Jerusalem! “May they be secure who love you!”

Psalm 122:6

Sometimes my heart is stricken with grief or teeming with joy, desperately looking to relieve itself through speech. 

However, if that cannot be so, let it be by written word that I find my respite.

Just as the autumn foliage turns its shade, my fickle heart often turns its face away from what it seeks most. The path is winding and winding, but the house at the top of the ridge emanates its glorious worth.

Let me reach that summit with you Lord, one word at a time.