Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.
1John 4:8
DISCLAIMER: This post is definitely more on the wild, abstract side of things, so try to follow along if you can. Apologies in advance if it is utterly confusing, but admittedly it is somewhat meant to be read in such a way. Please enjoy.
I think it is really easy for me to conceive of the idea of love. It comes in so many forms and performs a vital function in literally every aspect of my life.
I love the fact that I have an opportunity to learn dead languages and study literature of antiquity.
I love people so much sometimes to the point where my heart aches and groans in their sorrows and celebrates in their triumphs and joy.
I love the Lord, but. I just. I can’t tell if I am loving him well.
But,
I am grateful that God is a father who loves his child dearly.
I am grateful that Christ is a lover who passionately yearns for our heart.
I am grateful that the Spirit is a helper and friend who comforts my soul.
Through these manifestations of God’s everlasting love for me, I am given guidance, a smile, and a heart that strives to love the Lord my God with everything I have to offer.
Here are some images that resonated with me and I hope they can encourage you as we all seek to better comprehend and immerse ourselves in the depths of his love.
The Summer Haze
The Father loves in this way:
As the haze of the blazing sun fills the sky seasoned with a pinch of blue and white wisp, the young child knows summer has arrived.
The gentle, warm breeze caresses his cheeks, and the prospects of a lazy summer day become brighter in his eyes.
His eager heart and widening smile gleam against the reflection of his damp face against the sliding glass door of the kitchen.
A crack, a thump, thump, thump, and a slurp follow from behind him and the child turns his head to find an isosceles of red, juicy goodness skirted by a pale green rind in front of his eyes.
His father carefully hands him a piece of the summer melon which he had already eaten two slices and chuckled as the child was overcome with bliss.
As the red fluid drooled from the side of his small mouth, the father wiped away the mess with a cloth, laughter filling the kitchen with every wipe.
The child’s glucose-filled glee continued as the father opened the roaring top compartment of the fridge and pulled out a box of popsicles.
A crinkle, a tear, and a lip-smacking pop followed.
The child’s orange stained lips radiated with joy and delight, nothing able to steal away the goodness of this momen…
A shatter, suspension, splat.
Beads of tears swell at the peripheries.
The mouth quivers and lips pucker.
But before a sound leaves his trembling nostrils,
A crinkle, a tear, and an endearing smile follow.
The father holds another to add now a red streak of color to his sugar painted lips and rustles his hand through the hair of the child.
He whispers, “It’s okay, there are plenty more”.
The child is stunned, overcome with gratitude, then turns its eyes to his new scarlet prize.
But before any lip-smacking pop, or a slurp, or a bite,
The child sets the popsicle on top of an old melon rind and collects the fallen chunks and pools of the orange along with its stick.
In shame and in naive hope that he could somehow put it back together again.
The father accepts the mess into his hands and proceeds to throw it away, saying once again, “Don’t worry dear child, it’s okay.”
The child relieved turns his attention back to his new juicy treat,
as the father delights observing his son.
While behind his back, he pulls out another popsicle in preparation for another fall.
The Tapestries of the Bazaar
Christ our lover loves in this way:
Just as in the densely packed streets of a town’s finest market, where merchants sell their most precious wares, where buyers seek the most valuable products,
a man with a heart to give comes with greater longing.
He wanders and peruses through the bazaar, finding little interest in the riches of the market,
None in the precious oils and fragrances imported from the corners of the world,
none in the well-spun linens, silks, or ropes,
none in the richly fattened cows, pigs, and sheep roaming around the venue,
none even in the jeweled, perfumed, veiled, enticing gazes of young maidens attempting to meet the eyes of the man.
His heart is empty, feeling defeated he relents in his pursuit, turning his face away from the market in hopes of returning home.
But as a gust of wind suddenly fills the empty chambers of an abandoned palace,
a simply dressed woman could not escape the notice of his glance as a gale of longing once again filled his yearning heart.
Her figure flickered into view behind a row of fluttering tapestries, each with a majestic image woven into its fabric.
She then vanished as if a phantom, a mirage, an unattainable wish.
The desire in the man’s heart grew, his yearning swelled, and his posture grew more frantic.
He rushes into the rows of tapestries, casting aside each one with his arms, hoping to reveal the presence of the woman cowering behind,
each extension of his arm was thrust with hope, fleeting anxiety, and determination,
met equally with disappointment, sighs, but an unbreakable will to continue the search.
She materializes back into view, holding back a smile, but with eyes of concern as if she had been caught in some wrongdoing.
The words seemingly escaping her gasping mouth,
I’m flattered but I cannot.
She runs again from his sight behind the cover of tapestries,
fleeing in fear of being brought before his gaze again.
I cannot, I truly, surely, verily I cannot.
Who am I that a man such as he should pursue me?
A tear drops from her cheek and wets the patterned texture of an adjacent tapestry,
a tear shed with regrettable delight, the fickle thought of something foolish, and an ember in her heart left singed.
The clamor and the clanging of the busy bazaar fills the air once again as all resumed as it should be.
The shouts of men bartering, the silly snickering of young men flirting with maidens, the bleeting of sheep, the mooing of cows, the snorting of pigs.
All was well again, as it should be.
The last row of tapestries appeared before the woman’s eyes and she breathed a sigh of relief, extinguishing the last remnants of any desire to be something more than she should be.
Until he appeared again.
You are everything to me.
Before my eyes the fixation of this heart,
The man’s eyes burned with a longing gaze.
His chest was heavy and lacking in breath,
his panting concealed only by his overwhelming sense of relief and joy.
The woman panicked, and she tried to flee again, dodging under the cover of a tapestry depicting a lion resting in the shallow grasses of what she thought to be the savanna.
Escaping beneath a scene of nobles feasting under some golden splendor of the sun and their wealth.
Cutting across the image of a garden kissed by moonlight.
Her own panting concealed only by the fear of being discovered.
A stillness followed.
The sound of an elongated gulp escaped her throat as she squeezed her eyes shut.
A rustle and an unspoken voice then present themselves attached to the embrace of his arms.
Why do you hide from me?
I am more courageous than any lion, blowing aside grasses with the thundering boom of my voice.
I possess a kingdom far surpassing the wealth and prestige of these men, where men feast eternally.
I am more gentle and tender than the caress of the moonlight upon the petals of the delicate lilies.
Do you not desire me as I desire you?
Yes I do.
Your gaze, your voice, your presence weakens my knees that I cannot stand.
But, I cannot. How could I ever b…
Because I love you, as a bridegroom eagerly awaits the arrival of his beloved,
I will chase you through every tapestry and silence all of your fears.
Any image you see with your eyes I will render lesser than I.
Then words,
“I have loved you first.”
“May the passion of my pursuit prove to you the extent of my love,
may my words not be empty, but take my hand and allow me to show you a life you never thought you deserved to live,
May every breathe be heard by my ears, every heartbeat felt by my hand,
may you not fear lest you reject this heart of mine,
I love you above all, so love me as you wish, my heart will ever be affectionately yours.”
She was unsure, hesitant, and still afraid, but the man extended his hand out to her and clasped his teeth, begging her to partake in a love story epitomized by a life of freedom, tender intimacy, and joy beyond belief.
She interwove her fingers between his and smiled as his embrace grew onto her.
This is love.
Counselor of the Lost
The Spirit loves us in this way:
Life
<Choices>
Stress, s t re s s, sTResS!
Where do I go, what do I say, how do I act?
Why don’t you try sitting still and just listen?
NO STOP IT, I can’t, it’s a waste, I just need a plan, I just need to know where to start…
Have you forgotten that it has already begun? Life does not pause itself for you alone.
Aren’t you supposed to be HELPING ME?!?!?!
Ughhh I’m so screwed, I can’t breathe, why is everything so dark? I CAN’T SEE……………………………
Do you need me?
Absolutely not.
I just, I need a break. I need some time away from everything.
NO NO NO WhaAAT am I SAyiNG?
See what did I say, you totally need m…
I need to keep working, if I stop now what was the point? I can’t quit. I can’t stop, I need this so bad. This is all on me.
Are you sure this is what you want?
Yes of course I know what I’m doing, why do you treat me like a child?
Because you’re precious to Him.
I’m too old for that now, I have to prove I was worth it.
No you do not. Sit still and relax.
Okay fine I’ll try it your way, for now, until things go wrong again.
*Repeat 10 times*
You know I don’t really understand what good this is doing me, why can’t I just do as I think is bes….
Shhh.
Okay okay I get it, we’ll do it your way.
Wow things are going well lately. I feel refreshed and able to do anything!
Great let’s get a little more into the flow of things shall we?
Yeah let’s do it! Wow thank you God for giving me the vision and knowledge to be able to comprehend this information. It’s astonishing how amazing you are.
You bet we’re the best. Appreciate it my guy. You look tired though, come and get some rest so you can get back at it tomorrow.
Alright fine sounds good, can’t wait to see how else the Lord blesses me today!
Good for you haha, I’ll have my eyes peeled for you in case you miss a detail or something.
Thanks man I appreciate it.
Shhh, get some rest.
She was so precious to me.
Me too.
How could she be gone so soon, she was so young…
I’m sorry. It might not seem like it but I understand.
But why, WHY, WHY WOULD HE TAKE HER? She did nothing wrong… Why? WHYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!
You can cry, you can mourn, but don’t dwell.
Why DO you ALWAYS try to micromanage me? Get OUT of my head, you are such a nuisance. OUT I SAY OUT!
Because I love you, I know what is best for you even if you are blind.
NO you just want to control me! LEAVE ME ALONE I DON’T NEED YOU.
who am i kidding. i need you so badly, i cant even make simple decisions without you. im so lonely. i never have anyone but you. please dont leave me. im sorry. please please dont leave me, i feel so afraid and lonely without you. i cant even ask for more of you, i havent given you enough yet. you wouldn’t want to do this for me for nothing, i get it. ill pay you back soon i promise. i just need to get myself together first. maybe if i um just…
Shhh, I’m still here buddy, I haven’t ever left. You will always be covered by my presence.
i am unworthy. im actually just the worst, youre better off with someone else. i have to fix myself first.
Why don’t we work on you together?
no please we cant. im too dirty, too broken.
I can heal you, I can comfort you, I can transform you.
I don’t know what that even looks like, but I guess we can try. Please I can’t do it alone though, help me.
I always have been.
A Reverie of Grace 